Boulevard Of Broken Dreams
by IloveWilson
Summary: A Kutner x Thirteen Thutner, Kuteen Fanfiction. Spoilers for season 4 finale. What is more important to you, Kutners happiness or your own?... Maybe being loved by you will break him at the end......
1. Alcohol is unadvisable

„Give me your car keys."

„Why?"

„Cause youre drunk."

„I didn´t intend to drive home with the car!"

„Someone who nearly electrocuted himself into a coma is capable of anything."

Thirteen sat at the bar and watched the debate of Kutner and Taub amused. At first she hadn´t felt like attending this charity ball of the hospital, but the later the evening got the more her mood improved. But perhaps this was because of the alcohol she had consumed. It had been several glasses, she had stopped counting them.

„Hey, let´s drink another glass-„, Thirteen started to say and turned around to Dr. Cameron, with whom she had drunk quite a lot of alcohol now.

But she had to notice that her drinking buddy was about to disappear with Cr. Chase.

„Sorry, we have to go.", Cameron said giggling and fell round Chase´s neck.

„No problem..", Thirteen murmured and hid her disappointment. The evening had just started to get amusing and now her conversational partner left.

Slightly frustrated she shoved the empty glass away and thought of continuing to drink alone.

„You better stay away from my car!"

Thirteen noticed that the debate was still going on, Taub didn´t want to give up.

„I will." Taub sighed, he seemed to be the only one who was completely sober. Kutner finally gave him the car keys and he took them with a content look.

Thirteen turned around bored. House and Cuddy were playing poker, Wilson had left some time ago and now Cameron and Chase were gone too.

Then her eyes saw another man sitting alone at the other end of the bar, glancing at his half-empty glass. Dr. Foreman. She wondered wether she should join him and continue drinking with him. But she wasn´t quite sure wether it was a good idea to drink more, because she was already very drunk.

As the memory of the positive Huntington´s test she had made 2 weeks ago suddenly came to her mind she didn´t hesitate any more. Alcohol was just what she needed now.

After having decided that, she stood up and tottered towards Foreman. Damn, it was already difficult to walk in those higheels when she was sober, but now that she was drunk… it was nearly impossible.

Thirteen blinked as the whole room started to swing, but somehow she managed to get to Foreman without falling down.

„Hey, how are you? I thought I would keep you company. Do you buy me a drink?" With these words she sat down onto the bar stool next to Foreman and smiled at him.

Yes, she was already very drunk otherwise she would have never been that straightforward.

Foreman eyed her up for a moment. „I think you already have had more than enough."

„False impression.", Thirteen said grinning, swooped for his glass and chuged it. A moment later she grimaced. „Wow, that was strong."

Foreman stared at her. „Are you okay? You didn´t seem to be the person who drinks herself to death at charity balls."

Thirteen noded and blocked out the recurring thoughts of her disease.

„Everything´s fine…", she closed her eyes and held on to the bar because she almost fell from the bar stool.

„Woooh, be careful." Foreman jumped up and caught her, „ Come on, I´ll take you into a room where you can sleep…"

He wrapped an arm around her waist, grabed her hand and left the ballroom with her.

They had to pass the table where Cuddy and House were sitting. House of course couldn´t hold back a nasty comment.

„Don´t moan too estatically."

„Shut up", Thirteen hit back angrily and nearly fell down if Foreman hadn´t caught her in time.

When they were outside, Foreman opened a door . „A rarely used examintaion room. You can sleep here. He brought her to the bed where Thirteen sat down.

She didn´t remember when it was the last time she had been that drunk.

„Okay?"

„Yes." She nodded whereupon Foreman went out and closed the door behind him.

Thirteen bent down and started fumbling around with the buckles of her high heels. It took her about ten minutes until she was finally successful and took off her shoes.

Her olive- colored cocktail dress was by far a bigger problem. She just didn´t accomplish to reach the zipper on the back.

Sighing she let herself fall down onto the bed and looked at the rotating ceiling. Suddenly the door was opened again and someone stumbled in.

Thirteen raised her head and saw that it was Kutner. „Oh sorry, didn´t know that this room was already occupied.", he murmured as he saw her and got ready to leave again.

„Wait! Can you open my dress?"

He stared at her. „You want me to…?"

„Yeah."

After having made quite a stupid face for a moment he began to move, went to her and leaned forwards. Thirteen lay on the bed and smiled at him.

„You have to.. turn around… or otherwise I can´t reach the zipper.", he said.

„Okay." Thirteen got up which caused dizziness again and turned around.

Kutner started opening the zipper of her dress slowly.

As she noticed his warm hands on her back she felt hot and a strange feeling overwhelmed her.

„It´s done.", Kutner said and withdrew his hands. He didn´t dare to fully undress her even tough he was very drunk.

But Thirteen turned round and before he noticed what was happening, he felt her soft lips on his own.

For a moment he was unsure what to do, until Thirteen stroked his cheeks and pulled him onto the bed with her.

He gave in, closed his eyes too and returned the passionate kiss. Shortly afterwards Thirteen´s hands moved to his tie, took it off and started unbuttoning his chemise.

Kutner broke the kiss and looked at her confused. „Are you sure you want to…?"

Thirteen kissed him again. „Get a..move..on…"

He saw the longing look in her eyes and didn´t resist any more. ..


	2. Hangover

It was only when she was asleep that the world was okay. The moment she closed her eyes, she could be free and was able to forget all the shit in her life.

When she was sleeping, she couldn't think of her fate, couldn't feel the heavy burden of a deadly disease which could show up any moment of her life.

Up to now, Huntington's hadn't followed her into her dreams, so they were still full of joy, sometimes unrealistic, sometimes weird, but always better than her real life. Couldn't the Huntington's be the dream and the dreams her real life?

A sudden knocking on the door raised Thirteen out of her sleep, the dream bursting like a bubble.

She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and blinked while someone opened the door.

"I just wanted to check if you're-" Foreman's voice broke as a very surprising sight met his eyes.

Thirteen looked at him puzzled. "What is it?"

"I didn't know you two were…. Erm…"

"What are you talking abou-", Thirteen turned her head and finally noticed that she wasn't alone in the bed ,"Oh my god!!"

It was kind of a miracle that Kutner hadn't woke up either from Foreman's knocking nor from Thirteen's sudden scream.

"Erm…see you later." Foreman quickly turned around and left.

Thirteen jumped out of the bed and hurried to get her clothes. She had never dressed that quickly before.

When she was done she looked at Kutner, who was still sleeping like a log.

Thirteen tried to regain the memories of the past evening. She had been drinking a lot with Dr. Cameron…. So far, so good… but what had happened then?

Chase had come and Cameron had left. Yes, she remembered that but what had happened afterwards?

She couldn't bring it to her mind, her memory was blank. Why did she wake up with Kutner in the same bed??

Thirteen cursed the alcohol, but knew that it was her own fault.

Thinking about it, she panicked. Did she …sleep with her co-worker? Thirteen began to walk up and down the room. No, that wasn't the only explanation. Maybe Kutner just hadn't 

found another room and so he slept beside her and she was too drunk to protest. Nothing more than that. They just slept next to each other. Not together.

Thirteen began to bite her lips. She wasn't sure, she couldn't be sure. How could she proof that nothing happened?

Slowly an idea came to her mind. A condom! If she found a condom…if she found a condom she knew what had happened between them…

Nervously she started searching.

Under the blanket, on the floor, in the small trash bin, between Kutner's clothes, even under the bed.

There was nothing. Not a single condom.

She sighed with relief. Nothing had happened. Of course not. Not even in the biggest drinking orgy of her life she would have slept with him. Everything was fine.

She startled up as she suddenly heard a voice behind her.

"Morning…"

She turned around and saw that Kutner was finally awake.

"You slept well?", Kutner asked her rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, before grabbing his clothes.

Thirteen hesitated. There was something in the sound of his voice which made her all uneasy again. Something too familiar for a co-worker.

"Kutner…?"

"Yes?" She looked at the wall, hesitating once again. She didn't want to ask him this question for whose answer she was longing so bad.

That would have been so much easier if she still had alcohol in her blood.

"Did we sleep together…?" She blushed while asking the question and didn't dare look at him.

"You forgot it?", Kutner asked a little confused.

"What?? Are you telling me we actually had sex?" Thirteen couldn't believe it, she didn't want to.

"Yes…"

"Without using a condom??", she screamed with horror.

Kutner thought about it.

"Erm… ohhh…" He had completely forgotten the contraception. How stupid!

Thirteen didn't wait for a clever response, but turned around immediately and left the room, heading fort he apothecary to get a morning-after pill.


	3. Positive results

Not quite an hour later Thirteen entered the room next to House's office.

Taub, Foreman and Kutner were already there, but House was missing. It didn't surprise Thirteen very much that he was late.

The young doctor carefully chose the chair furthest from Kutner and sat down. Thanks to this idiot of co-worker, she felt really sick, because sickness was a side-effect of the morning-after pill she had to take.

It didn't take long and House arrived, throwing the chart to Kutner, who wasn't prepared to catch it. "Ouch!", he complained as the thing met his head, but House completely ignored him.

"Epilepsy, blindness, hypotonia. What does that make you think of?" House turned to the white board and started to write the symptoms down, "And besides, did you have a nice night, you two?"

As he asked that, his eyes were on Thirteen and Foreman.

"Brain tumour, encephalitis?", Foreman said, ignoring House's second question, while Thirteen was completely taken aback. Why did House ask her and Foreman… she slept with Kutner not with Foreman… why did he think of Foreman?? The whole thing started to get crazier and crazier.

Suddenly she remembered talking to Foreman after Cameron had left. She had talked to him… and why did she end up in a bed with Kutner then??

"Number 13, would you please stop daydreaming and join our nice little discussion?" House's voice brought her back to reality.

"How old is the patient?", Kutner quickly asked to distract House from Thirteen.

"Ten.", House replied.

"Ten years... could also be certain poisons.", Kutner suggested.

"Nope, rather not… since I meant ten months." House took some vicodin pills and waited for further suggestions.

"Ten months? We have to diagnose a baby?" Thirteen was taken aback again, this was the first time their patient was so small.

"Don't you think that babys have a right to live too?" House pouted.

Thirteen rolled her eyes.

"So… Foreman and Thirteen, our new dream couple, will make a MRI."

As they stood up, Thirteen stared at House as if he was an idiot. Why dream couple?? Actually it could be all the same to her, as long as she didn't have to make the MRI with Kutner, she was content.

"Taub, anamnesis. And you…" House turned to Kutner who was left, "You go and get me some more vicodin."

Without complaining, Taub and Kutner also went out.

About an hour later Foreman and Thirteen entered House'office.

"The MRI didn't show any abnormalities in the head region. No tumour.", Foreman explained.

House stood up. "Did you have at least a nice time there, finding out nothing?"

Thirteen didn't look at Foreman. Apart from medical stuff they hadn't talked about anything. Neither of them had mentioned the charity ball at all.

"Could still be Encephalitis…", Foreman suggested and started a discussion with House. Thirteen was quiet most of the time and hung back.

Finally, House sent Foreman to run some more tests and the neurologist left the room. Thirteen wanted to leave as well, she didn't want to be alone with House at the moment, because she feared that sometime he would remind her of the Huntington's test she had to do.

And that was exactly what happened now.

"Thirteen…"

With her hand already on the doorhandle, she slowly turned around, avoiding House's eyes.

"Yes..?"

"I didn't forget the huntington´s test I made you do about two weeks ago.", he said calmly and watched every move of her's.

"Yeah…" Thirteen swallowed, her eyes focusing on the floor of House's office.

"So I guess you made the test. What results came out?"

She didn't answer. She couldn't answer. Somehow the one word, the word "Positive" wouldn't leave her lips. She just stood there in front of House, tensing up and feeling more and more like a fool.

House in turn knew exactly what that silence meant. He had assumed it before, now he was absolutely sure.

"I see."

"Can I go now..?" Thirteen could feel her eyes filling with tears and she didn't want to cry in front of anyone, especially not House.

House nodded and she turned round an almost ran out of his office.

As if this wasn't enough, she crossed Kutner's path, who stopped and looked at her with this stupid concerned face.

"Thirteen, did something happen?"

"No!", she shouted at him, not wanting to talk to anyone at the moment. Her life, aswell as the Huntington's was her problem, and hers alone, so everyone should just leave her alone with that.

She found an empty room where she could sit down and take some deep breaths, dashing away a few small tears while telling herself that everything was just … fine


	4. Strawberries and Cream

"Can I attain happiness, grandma?"  
"Of course sweetie, of course you will be happy." The old woman softly stroked the child's hair," Why shouldn't you? You're a girl like any else."  
"But Mom says that I might be different. I might be like her."  
The old woman got serious."Remy, having a disease doesn't make people different. It doesn't deny you the right to be happy. And now I want to see a smile from you, a 11 year old shouldn't think about such things so much."  
The girl gave her grandma a smile and snuggled up to her. "You know what, grandma? I think I don´t have it."  
"I'm pretty sure you didn't inherit it", she stroked Remy's cheek, " you will be the one who breaks this circle. You're a tough girl, it's rather unrealistic that this terrible disease, your grandfather brought to our family,will dare to affect you."  
Little Remy beamed with joy. "I want to have a family of my own. A husband who cares for me and 3 children. A boy and then two younger girls. Oh grandma, have you seen the beautiful white villa a few streets farther? I want to buy it when I'm grown -up!"  
"I'm sure you will. You'll go your way, Remy. Never forget that."

How stupid that seemed now. Brainless thoughts from an unaware child. This optimistic child full with hopes and dreams about her future was far away now, too far away to reach.  
This little girl called Remy hadn't understand anything. Hadn't known the severity of the disease, otherwise she wouldn't have lived in those stupid dreams.  
Thirteen had lost her last pieces of hope along with the blood she used for the Huntington's test.  
Thinking about it, her mother was right when she said that people with Huntington's were different. They had to live with a burden healthy ones wouldn't understand.  
Her years were numbered, her mind scared of anything she dropped, because she knew it could be the first symptom.  
She lived now, but with broken dreams and broken hopes she was already dead inside, just waiting for the death of her body, which would come slowly and painful.  
And no one was able to revive her.  
A sudden knock on the door made her almost jump up from the couch she had been lying on. She didn't expect any visitors and it was eight in the evening.  
Slightly puzzled she went to the door and opened it.  
"Kutner?"  
"Hey, Thirteen." Kutner gave a weak smile, "Can I come in?"  
"No. What do you want?", she asked coldly.  
"House told me to check on you…"  
Thirteen raised an eyebrow. "Is that your best excuse?"  
He sighed."Well..in fact… I wanted to check on you." Kutner shrugged his shoulders.  
"I'm fine, now go." Thirteen started thinking. Had House told Kutner that she had Huntington's ? Did he know? Or did he just came here trusting that she would sleep with him again?  
"I brought strawberries and cream…", Kutner said.  
"What??", she looked at him puzzled.  
"You always ate them when you were sad and it always helped.", he explained and Thirteen didn't believe what she heard.  


It was right, but how could Kutner know that??  
Kutner grinned at he saw the shock in her face."Let me in and I´ll tell you."


	5. Don t forget Star wars

Finally, she let him enter her apartment, the curiousness had won the battle.  
Kutner smiled softly and thrusted the bowl of strawberries with cream into Thirteen's hands, before taking off his shoes.  
She took the bowl, the smell of fresh strawberries reached her nose while she watched Kutner.  
It reminded her of better times, of harvesting strawberries with her mother and afterwards eating them together.  
Kutner had finished, not wait for her showing him the apartment, but started exploring it himself. Thirteen immediately followed him. "What are you doing?"  
"I'm checking out how you are living, nice furniture." He threw a look into the kitchen, crossed the living room and was now about to open the door to her bedroom. Thirteen quickly obstructed the access by jumping between him and the door.  
"What?" Kutner asked.  
"That's my bedroom."  
"And… that means?"  
"You can't go in."  
Kutner shrugged. "Why not?"  
"It's...private."  
She didn't want him to see her bedroom. They were just co-workers, they didn't have to know each other's bedrooms.  
"Well, okay." Kutner accepted it and sat down on her couch, "Come on, and bring the strawberries. Oh, that couch is damn comfortable. I like it."  
Thirteen looked at the bowl, which was still in her hands. Without a word of protest she sat down next to Kutner.  
"You wanted to tell me how you came to know that I like strawberries with cream so much…" she said and looked at him.  
Kutner nodded slightly and looked at the bowl. "We need spoons, or did you plan to eat them with your fingers?" he joked and pointed at the strawberries.  
"No. I asked you a question, Kutner."  
"I'm about to answer it." With these words, he stood up, walked into her kitchen and came back with two spoons. He gave one to her.  
"Enjoy them," he said smiling and carried a spoon full of strawberries into his mouth. Thirteen on the contrary just stared at the strawberries without touching them.  
"I am not hungry…"  
Kutner grinned. "Yes, you are. No need to remain modest, I already saw the greedy sparkle in your eyes."  
"I'm not greedy!" Thirteen protested.  
"Oh, you are so greedy for strawberries, Remy Hadley, I can tell by just one look."  
This actually made her smile, because he was right and soon she had her mouth filled with sweet strawberries too.  
"Good?" Kutner asked while he watched her swallowing them eagerly.  
"Yes, very good." she replied with a warm smile on her face and continued to eat.  
"Then I'm glad. I would have electrocuted myself, if you hadn't liked them."  
She laughed. "I'm sure you would have survived that again."  
Kutner shrugged. "Third time's the luckiest."  
"Anyway," Thirteen started to say, with her mouth full of strawberries, "there's not much you can do wrong with strawberries and cream."  


Kutner grinned. "Ha, there are a lot of things. I could have confused the sugar with the salt, for example."  
She didn't reply to that, but continued eating strawberries.  
"You told me yourself."  
Surprised, Thirteen looked up. "What?"  
"You told me about the strawberries and cream. I know about it from you." Kutner said.  
Now she was completely confused. "What was he talking about? I didn't tell you."  
"Yes, you did. You told me last night, after the charity ball. Maybe you forgot…" Kutner explained and watched her face turn rather pale. "Is something wrong?"  
"I told you that…" she replied, seeming far away within her thoughts.  
"Yes, you told me." Kutner gave her a strange look and watched her dropping the spoon into the bowl.  
"We talked?? I mean… we had..."She didn't want to say the word 'sex', but he understood her anyway, "... And we also talked?? Afterwards?"  
He nodded. "Well, to be more precise, it was mainly you who talked. I was just listening."  
"It was mainly me who talked??" Thirteen nearly screamed.  
Kutner watched her and couldn't understand why this fact freaked her out almost more than the fact that they had had sex.  
"What else did I tell you in my drunkenness?" she asked, scared that she told him everything about her Huntington's.  
Kutner grinned. "Many things. I really came to know you better."  
Thirteen just sat there, staring at him. She could have punched herself for that.  
"If I told you anything about a disease… I mean, when I'm drunk I tend to tell people that I'm.. that I have…", she didn't know how to put it and Kutner watched her confused.  
"I really don't know what you are talking about…"  
"Well, I…I…" Thirteen desperately searched for words, " I tend to imagine different diseases, but that's only because of the alcohol and… Kutner, what are you doing?"  
She noticed that he hadn't really listened to her, but was looking for something.  
"The zapper, where do you have your zapper? It just came into my mind that there's Star Wars on TV tonight… in about 5 minutes!"  
She gazed at him. "Star…wars…?"  
"Yes." he turned around and looked at her, "Let's watch it together."  
"What?" Thirteen grimaced. "No."  
"Please?" Kutner´s desperate face was too cute and to be honest, she could use a little distraction now.  
"Zapper is on the shelf." she said and sighed.  
Kutner immediately jumped up to get it.  
"Thank you so much Thirteen, I love you for that!"


End file.
